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I am a mother of three children and after becoming a mother, I left my career.
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This was never my plan, but I can’t imagine returning to the workforce.
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I had to give myself permission to do what I really wanted.
If you had told me five years ago that I would be pregnant with my third child and quit my career, I would have thought you were crazy.
I always knew I wanted to be a mother. I’ve never questioned that. I thought motherhood would be one of my greatest achievements; I just didn’t want this to be my only achievement. I knew women whose only goal in life was to become a mother, and that was not my path.
The world was big and there were many places to go. The two priorities in my twenties were my career and travel. I didn’t consciously hold these two ideas as benchmarks for every decision I made, but they made every decision anyway.
My plan was that I would have a maximum of two children, and while I would be absolutely committed to them, my career would be just as important. I would balance both. Having more than two children would not be possible. I still wanted a life; I still wanted to travel; I still wanted a successful career.
Going from 0 children to 1 was difficult
When I had my first son, my world turned upside down. I battled postpartum anxiety and mourned the loss of my independence, something I fiercely protected for years. I had a new, adorable little human who relied on me for everything, and it felt incredibly overwhelming.
Once my body and mind calmed down, we found our groove in parenthood. And while things were different, much of it looked the same. My husband and I decided that while our children would be our priority, it was important to weave them into our lives, rather than beat around the bush. We wanted to introduce them to the loves of our lives – travel, sailing, the ocean – and we felt it was important for them to recognize that their parents had passions too.
Getting pregnant with our second was a no-brainer. It was part of the plan.
I immediately wanted a third child
Then the most unexpected thing happened. As I looked down at my second child peacefully taking a milk-drunken nap on my chest, I knew I wanted another. This certainly wasn’t part of the plan. The idea of having a third while I was just postpartum with my second felt absolutely unhinged. And at the same time completely right.
Last year, I never thought I would take a leave of absence from my career to focus on my family. But life didn’t feel good. I rushed out the door in the morning, I rushed to pick them up from daycare after work, I rushed through dinner so they could go to bed on time.
None of it felt right. And I was constantly left asking, “What are we doing?” The more I discussed how to hit the pause button on my career, the more it made sense.
The furlough allowed us to slow down the frenetic pace of our lives by breathing more time and space into our days. Things went more smoothly. Suddenly there was time for making sprinkle pancakes on weekday mornings and room to read more than one book together before bed.
Now I can’t imagine returning to the workplace at all. I am drawn to continue focusing on my family as I am about to give birth to a third baby that I so clearly knew was meant to be part of our family. I couldn’t be more excited.
We must be flexible with our life plans
I tell my sons, “You can always change your mind.” As adults we need to remember this too. It’s important to approach life with foresight and planning, but just as important to approach it with a sense of flexibility, giving ourselves the opportunity to change the game plan.
We must have goals and work hard towards them, but allow ourselves the gift of changing our minds and shifting our path when a different path beckons us.
Motherhood has been the biggest surprise of my life. I am so grateful for my firstborn, who shook up my life in a way that allowed the pieces to settle into something even more beautiful. Was it worth deviating from the plan? All signs point to yes.
Read the original article on Business Insider
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